The Week Off
by agents-of-ships
Summary: The Avengers get a week off. What trouble will they get into? (Previously The Month Off) Chapter #3: The team tries an app craze.
1. Day 1: Who's Worthy?

**Author's Note #1: whimsical-writer requested a Science Bros fanfic, so this is for her. Also, this fix is somewhat AU. Nat, Clint and Steve still work for S.H.I.E.L.D, and Tony still has the arc reactor and his suits. This takes place after all the movies so far, but keep in mind that Tony is still Iron Man. **

Bruce woke up happily. Today was completely free, the Avengers were getting a day off. Not that they had to save the world daily, but some of them had missions for what was left of S.H.I.E.L.D., or projects, or whatever. But not today. Today…they were free. Bruce walked downstairs, excited about the day to come. After walking downstairs, he was met with a strange sight. Steve Rodgers was cooking. Now, that wasn't very strange, but he also was wearing an apron with words saying: 'America's Greatest Cook'. This wouldn't have surprised Bruce, but Steve was also…singing. Not his normal 1940's songs, which he hummed all the time, but something much, much worse. He was… Well, it was hard to believe, but Steve was singing Taylor Swift.

"It'll leave you breathless, or with a nasty scar. Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane. But I've got a blank space, baby, and I'll write your name!" sung Steve. Bruce was paralyzed with shock. Steve continued singing, all while cooking scrambled eggs. After he was done with that song, he did some sort of spin(while holding the pan), and came face to face with Bruce.

"Oh… Hi there, Bruce," he said. Bruce quickly closed his mouth, which had been open with shock, and smiled.

"Hey…Steve," he said, trying to sound nonchalant. Steve smiled awkwardly, then went back to cooking breakfast. Bruce offered to help, but Steve assured him that he was going to make breakfast for everyone. Bruce sat on the couch, reading news on his phone, when he heard sounds from outside. He heard a high-pitched scream, and an ominous crash. He ran to the window, and wasn't too surprised at what he saw. From what he could tell the so-called Bird Bros had been both trying to use Sam's wings. Sam's wings had been destroyed in the HYDRA battle, but Tony had made new ones. Sam and Clint walked in, laughing though bloody and bruised. Just then, Natasha walked downstairs. Her eyes met a battered Clint and she sighed.

"What the hell, Clint?" she asked in a tired voice. Bruce figured she was used to Clint's antics. Clint just shrugged, then ran away with Sam to bandage up. Natasha sighed again, then sat on the couch beside Bruce, pulling out her StarkPhone. Tony walked downstairs, smiling evilly.

"Yo, Tony!" called Bruce. Tony grinned.

"S'up, my bro? After breakfast, I've got a project for us in the lab," he said. He raised his eyebrows a few times on project, which slightly frightened Bruce. After a little while, Bucky, Pepper and Thor came downstairs, and everyone started eating breakfast.

"YOU HAVE MADE A GREAT MEAL, STEVEN!" said Thor in his booming voice. Steve smiled.

"Thank you," he said. Then Natasha's phone rang.

"Hello? Oh, really? Yes, of course. I'm sure they would appreciate that. Okay. Yes. Bye." She turned to the team and frowned. "S.H.I.E.L.D. is giving us the whole week off. For all of us S.H.I.E.L.D. members, so basically the Avengers won't be fighting crime for a week, S.H.I.E.L.D. will take care of everything," she said. Everyone was surprised, but happily so. They continued eating their breakfast, in a better mood.

After breakfast, Tony grabbed Bruce's hand, and pulled him into the lab.

"Okay, I have a great plan," Tony said, in that scheming way of his. "We make a fake Mjolnir, but we make it so heavy that even Thor can't lift it. But, it'll be magnetic, so I can easily 'summon' it while in my suit. Good idea, am I right?" Bruce nodded, but he was a bit skeptical of this prank. They got to work, all the while Tony was laughing about the great prank and how genius he was to come up with it. By the time they had finished, it was 5 o'clock, and they had completely forgotten about lunch. Because Tony couldn't be seen carrying Mjolnir, he called Thor to the lab.

"Thor!" he yelled, "You left Mjolnir in the lab again!" Thor walked in and tried to effortlessly pick up the hammer. Obviously it didn't work. Thor's eyes widened in shock, and he sunk to his knees. _Am I not worthy? _he wondered, staring at Mjolnir sadly. _Maybe I wasn't really trying, _he thought, and pulled again. He yanked and yanked, and cried out in despair. Soon the other Avengers had congregated to the lab, and they watched Thor try to no avail. Tony walked over to where he stored his suits, and got into his newest one. He walked back into the lab, and 'summoned' Mjolnir to his hand. Thor cried out in some sort of emotional pain, and fell to the ground. Bruce looked at Tony, worried. Tony seemed to have the same concern, that Thor might actually be really hurt and devastated about this.  
"Hey, Thor, this is just a fake Mjolnir. Your real one is in the weapons cabinet," said Tony. Thor ran to the weapons room, and picked up Mjolnir, then ran back to the lab, and flung Mjolnir at Tony. Thankfully, Tony was wearing his suit, but the impact still sent him crashing into the wall. Tony got back up, and charged at Thor, yelling. The fight continued, with Tony and Thor crashing through walls, and breaking everything. Bruce massaged his head, he was already beginning to get a headache. And this was only the first day.

**Author's Note #2: Okay, so I may continue this, if enough people want me to. If I did continue, I would do the whole month, so about 30 chapters, one for every day of the month. Of course, I'd probably only post a new chapter once a week. Tell me what you think!**


	2. Day 2: Ikea

**Author's Note: First I'd like to say thank you to my reviewers! It's so cool that people are reading my fic, I've been writing fics forever, but I just recently got a Fanfiction account. Thanks! I want to say thank you to each of my reviewers individually as well. **

** grishma239— I'm glad you like it! I have decided to continue this story, so you will have more to read :)**

** ErinKenobi2893— Yep, pretty much. Tony will be doing a lot more stupid things in the rest of this ;)**

** Lupinica friggasdoiter— I'm glad you seem to be enjoying it. Unfortunately, this fic probably won't have any GammaWidow, but if you'd like me to write a GammaWidow one-shot, see my profile on how to ask for one.**

**Also this fic takes place in November, so keep that in mind. Okay, this chapter was inspired by many things. A trip to Ikea with my brother and dad, cinnamon rolls from Ikea that my friend brought to a movie night, a tumblr post saying something along the lines of 'the thought of the avengers going to ikea and thor being able to pronounce the names is hilarious', and most importantly this fic from ao3 &amp; tumblr: /works/2658455 , which I found on this blog: **** .com****. Seriously, check out that fanfic, I pretty much made a rip-off of it. Oh, and the name of the product in here was totally made up. I know the accents mean things, this was just for fun, I did not intend to mock anything. Enough of this extremely long note, let's get to it!**

Bruce sighed as he helped Tony fix Avengers Tower. One wall and two windows had been completely shattered, and various other items were somewhat broken.

"Hey, Bruce?" asked Tony. _Oh no, what trouble is Tony going to cause this time?_ wondered Bruce. "I was thinking… A lot of stuff got broken in my fight with Thor, so maybe we should get some new stuff from Ikea? Yeah, let's do that. HEY GUYS-"

* * *

"Turn on the radio!" said Clint. They were on their way to Ikea. Tony had convinced everyone that it would be a fun, happy time, but Bruce wasn't so sure.

"No, Clint," he called back. Bruce was driving, and he really thought they should have used multiple cars, because everyone was pressed against other people. In the front seats, Bruce was driving, Tony was shotgun, and Pepper was squeezed into the micro-seat which was in-between. In the next row, Thor, Steve and Bucky were cramped together, and in the last row was Natasha, Clint, and Sam. Bruce could hardly move, or hear, for that matter. It seemed like everyone was arguing.

"Get your damn elbow out of my face, Barton!"

"Steven, you are compressing the contents of my stomach."  
"No. Tony, stop."

"Sam, don't you dare tickle me— arg!"

"Well, maybe if you moved a bit to the left-"

"Tony!"

"Your arm is quite painful, Cold Soldier."

"No—haha—stop!"

"Well, maybe if you weren't laying on me-"

"If you do that one more time, I will murder you."

"Would you rather him lay on me?"

"Shit, Tony, stop!"

Bruce could already feel the headache beginning.

* * *

When they finally got to Ikea, Clint insisted on getting cinnamon rolls before shopping. Bruce had tried to protest, but Tony had already started walking to the cafe. Soon they were eating cinnamon rolls while walking through the store. It was hard to buy anything, because right when they found the right section, Sam would drag them to one of the house models, and they would forget where they had been headed.

"Okay, enough!" They still hadn't picked up a single item, and Bruce couldn't stand the constant bickering. "Let's split up. Tony, Pepper, and I will go find a new coffee table. Steve, you go with Thor and Bucky to find a new ceiling fan. Natasha, Sam, and Clint, you are going to find a few decorations to replace the ones Thor smashed. A few." Everyone split up, and Bruce had finally started to relax.

"Ooh, this table looks nice," commented Pepper, gesturing to a maroon colored coffee table.

"Yeah, I think it might work," Bruce agreed. Tony shook his head.

"Nah, we need something bigger."

"Okay, well what about this one?" asked Bruce.

"It's too big. We need an in-between." Bruce and Pepper sighed simultaneously, but they continued searching for the right table.

"Aha!" exclaimed Pepper, "I think I've found it." Tony walked over to look at the table in question. He wrinkled his nose.

"No, I don't think so," he said. Bruce groaned. He wondered if the other groups were having any better luck.

* * *

"Ugh, could you eat any louder?" complained Natasha. Clint just shrugged, continuing to eat his fifth cinnamon roll, smacking every time he chewed, mouth hanging open. "You're disgusting," she added.

"Hey, look! Another house model thing!" said Sam, his eyes lighting up.

"No," said Natasha firmly, taking hold of Sam's wrist and pulling him towards the decorative section.

They searched through the section, trying to find a few simple decorations. Or at least that's what Natasha was doing. Sam and Clint were picking up almost every decoration in sight.

"No." She put the piggy bank back on the shelf.

"But Tasha…" Clint pleaded, reaching for the bright pink bank again. She just shook her head.

"What are you going to do with a piggy bank?" Clint didn't have a response for that, but he stretched his arm in that direction longingly as Natasha dragged him away. She pulled him over to a section filled with vases. "Pick one vase," she instructed, then walked to where Sam was standing. "Find anything?" she asked. Sam nodded.

"I found a couple of decent paintings." Natasha breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she'd only have to deal with one annoying child today. "And this!" Sam held up a clock shaped like a chicken. Or maybe she'd have to deal with two.

"A clock would be nice, but, _please _find a plain one," she said, then went back over to Clint. He held up a vase. "That one is nice, but really Clint? You're the only one who loves purple that much. Choose a different color and then come over to Sam and I." Clint pouted, but he put the purple vase with lavender polka dots back on the shelf.

* * *

"Allies, let us now commence the search for a fan which shall hang from the ceiling."

"Yeah, we get it, Thor. No need for the fancy language," said Steve, leading them to the fan section.

"What language of fance do you speak of?" asked Thor. Steve shook his head, and they walked over to the fans. The fans were a pain in the butt. They needed a ceiling fan that was easy to install, and since none of them were very familiar with modern technology, all the fans seemed much too complicated.

"I think this one might not be too bad…" said Bucky, "It's the…um…G-Greek-a-ham?" Thor and Steve walked over to the display.

"Nay, my friend. This is known as the Greck-en-heim," said Thor. Steve looked at the name. It was Grēêkåńhããm. _Wow, that's a mouthful, _thought Steve.

"Buck, look. You need Bluetooth and some usb cord. This looks way too complicated," said Steve. Bucky sighed in defeat. _I give up, _he thought.

* * *

By the time they all met up, they were exhausted. Bruce and Pepper were still angry with Tony for his indecisiveness, Clint was complaining about how tired he was every two seconds, and Natasha looked about ready to murder him. Bucky looked like he was close to tears, and a moment didn't go by where Steve didn't sigh. Even Thor had lost his usual cheer.

"Can we go now?" asked Clint, "I'm so tired."

So they followed the exit signs, happy that they were finally leaving. But, it turned out that the green exit signs led to exits that were personnel only. They started to follow the blue signs, and finally they found the checkouts. The lines were incredibly long; it was twenty minutes before they left the checkouts. They were about to go downstairs, but Clint insisted they use the shopping cart escalator thing. They found that, and then finally left the building. They piled into the car, and Bruce was glad not to hear the sound of arguing. They were all too tired to fight with each other. When they parked at Avengers Tower, they all piled out of the car, very slowly. It was understandable, they _had _been at Ikea for hours. Clint and Thor had fallen asleep, so someone had to wake them up.

Steve shook Thor's shoulder.

"Thor. Thor. Thor!" Thor mumbled some sort of battle cry and leaped to his feet. "We're home," said Steve.

Bruce watched as Natasha went to wake Clint up. The way she gently shook Clint's shoulder made Bruce realize she wasn't as austere as she acted.

"Clint," she said softly. Clint sighed, then opened his eyes.

"Tash? Are we home?" he asked. Natasha nodded.

"C'mon."

* * *

Bruce fell onto his bed with a groan. It had been a long day. He closed his eyes, and went to sleep.


	3. Day 3: Demon Bird

**Author's Note: It's been a while since I last updated, I know. I want to finish this before Age of Ultron comes out. So, due to a lack of motivation and time, I have decided to change things a bit. Now it's a week off, instead of a month. After this chapter, I still have four more chapters to write, and I'm open to suggestions. Keep in mind that this takes place in November when suggesting. Suggestions would be really great, though! I hope you like this chapter, although I must admit it's a short one. Here ya go.**

Natasha bit into her half-way burnt toast. She wasn't the best cook, she couldn't even pull off _toast _without a mistake. The last few days had been annoying and tiring, so she hoped she would get a nice day at home today. Boy, was she wrong.

The Avengers sat around the TV, but no one was really watching. Then, Tony said:

"Hey, I have an idea!" Natasha and Bruce groaned, they both knew that Tony's ideas never ended well. "So, I was thinking. Capsicle, Point Break, and Brainwash don't know shit about technology. I bought them iPhones, but it'll take forever before they learn how to use them. Well, I thought of an easy game that could introduce them to iPhone stuff. It's really easy to learn how to play. The game is called… Flappy Bird!" It seemed as all the Avengers who knew of the game groaned. "If you already had the game, reset your progress. We're going to have a competition!"

The Avengers reluctantly reset their progress, or downloaded the game.

"By the way, Tony, I do know how to use some tech," said Bucky. "I have been carrying out HYDRA's missions, and their weapons are pretty high tech."

"Whatever," said Tony, with a dismissal wave of his hand.

The Avengers had been playing Flappy Bird for an hour. None of the Avengers wanted to continue, but Tony promised that if they kept playing for a while longer then they could all go out for ice cream, and he would play. Tony surveyed the room, thinking that maybe it was time to be done. No one looked very happy. Tony was eager to see everyone's score's, to laugh at their failures. Tony's high score was seven, but he was sure others had gotten worse.

"ARGHH!" yelled Bruce, throwing his phone at the wall. It shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. With another roar, he hulked out. "DIE DEMON BIRD!" roared the Hulk, smashing the bits of phone. Hulk continued smashing until he was satisfied that the phone was broken, then slowly started to de-hulk.

When Bruce came back, Tony decided it was definitely time to stop.

"Okay, guys. What are your high scores?" he asked. Bruce glanced around awkwardly.

"Yeah… Sorry about that. I don't remember the exact number, and well…" He gestured to the scraps and shards of phone that were laying on the ground. "What was your high score, Tony?"

"Seven. But I bet it's better than any of the others did," said Tony. Thor smiled.

"I got ten," he said.

"Two," Pepper admitted.

"Eighteen," said Sam.

"Fourteen," said Bucky.

"Eleven," said Steve.

"Eighty six," said Natasha.

The others all turned to look at her.

"No way. Really?" asked Sam. Natasha nodded, showing everyone her phone.

"It's nothing compared to Clint's, though," she added. Tony frowned. _Eighty six is a lot, how could anyone get more than that?_ he wondered.

"Hundred twenty-seven," said Clint.

"Lies, lies, all a bunch of lies," said Tony. Clint showed off his phone.

"Master aim, remember?"

"I still can't believe you got one hundred and twenty-seven," said Tony, while eating a spoonful of his chocolate brownie ice cream.

"I hate that game," agreed Bruce, and licked his vanilla ice cream cone.

"What I can't believe," said Clint, "is that none of you guys got the same ice cream as me. I mean, jumbo cookie-dough brownie-bite chocolate-fudge oreo-cheesecake cinnnamon-swirl delight? Who wouldn't want that?"

"Maybe people who don't want to take years of their life with every bite of ice cream," said Natasha.

"You people bore me," said Clint.

Clint groaned. The Avengers were leaving the ice cream place, and Clint was miserable.

"Why did you guys let me do that?" he asked. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Hey, it was your choice," said Steve. "No one in their right mind would do that."

"Yeah, well, why did you guys assume I was in my right mind?" muttered Clint.

Soon they all got home. Tony started repairing the tower after Bruce's hulk-out, and Bruce attempted to help.

"Sorry for all the wreckage," said Bruce.

"Nah, it's cool. It's been three days, and the tower has already been wrecked twice. How much worse can it get?" said Tony.

"I would say it can't get any worse, but knowing this crowd… and me…"

"Only four more days. And this time, I'll let the others decide on what to do. Obviously I'm not the best at picking. But I'm sure they'll pick, nice, safe, non-destructive things."

"Fingers crossed."


End file.
